Realize
by gunit1016
Summary: Kurt and Rachel had relied on each other for comfort after Finn's death. They soon realize that comfort isn't the only thing they need.
1. Comfort

Hey guys! So... this is the first story I have ever written. I have a few other stories in this verse as well but I thought I should start at the beginning. I appreciate constructive criticism but go easy on me, eh?

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><p>They have known each other for almost 15 years now, having gone to the same school from elementary through college. They had never talked in school much until their sophomore year, and even then it wasn't always pleasant conversation. She was the arrogant, determined Jewish girl and he was the gay boy who wore clothing that cost more than some of the cars in the McKinley parking lot. They only thing they thought they had in common was glee club.<p>

The turning point in their relationship came when Kurt transferred to Dalton Academy. They were no longer competing over solos (or men) so they were able to see how alike they really were. Even after Kurt transferred back to McKinley, he and Rachel stayed friends and soon became best friends. Kurt and Rachel were basically inseparable. Sure, Rachel had Finn and Kurt had Blaine, but they spent a lot of time together.

They eventually made it to New York, the place where they both belonged. They were always there for each other every step of the way. From the break ups, to Rachel's confusing relationship with Brody, and finally Kurt's engagement to Blaine.

And then Finn died. His passing devastated both Kurt and Rachel and they felt like a piece of them were missing. Kurt lost his brother and Rachel lost her first love. They soon turned to each other for comfort. Kurt could hear her crying in her bedroom and Rachel could hear him having nightmares. They took to sleeping in Kurt's bed together, holding each other until they fell asleep, afraid to let go. Eventually, they were both able to move on and live their day-to-day lives, albeit a little less happy without Finn around. They went back to the way things were before the funeral, all except for sleeping in separate beds. They both still craved that contact and the comfort of each other's presence.

Blaine graduated in May and moved into the loft with them shortly after. Rachel was not used to sleeping in her own bed anymore, and found she missed the fluffiness of Kurt's pillows. She missed his scent and the warmth of his strong arms around her. Rachel had always felt so safe and secure with Kurt. She barely slept at all that first night.

Kurt wasn't faring much better. Sure, he had missed his fiancé very much and was happy to have Blaine with him in New York, but something felt…different. As soon as they crawled under the covers that first night, Blaine moved to be the big spoon. Kurt looked confused for a moment but then remembered that this was Blaine he was in bed with, not Rachel. Blaine had mostly been the big spoon before so it wasn't strange for him to want to be tonight. Kurt hesitated, knowing how much he preferred to be the big spoon when he slept with Rachel. Kurt shook himself out of it. His fiancé is here now, not Rachel. So he curled up in Blaine's arms and cuddled like he had dreamed of doing for months. He couldn't help but feel out-of-place. The body he was cuddling with was the same size, but muscular and hard instead of toned, yet soft and curvy. He missed the feeling of Rachel next to him. The guilt of that realization kept him awake all night.

That's how it went for almost two months. Kurt and Rachel were together almost every day; whether it be at school, work, or at the loft. Despite all of that, they both still longed to hold the other at night. Rachel had even swiped Bruce from under Kurt's bed to sleep with at night, mostly because it still smelled like Kurt's cologne. She would burrow her face into the boyfriend pillow and pretend it was Kurt with her instead.

Things between Blaine and Kurt had been on a downward spiral since his arrival in New York. Blaine had never been the most observant guy, but even he could sense something between Kurt and Rachel. Whenever Kurt had good news, Rachel was the first to know, not Blaine. Kurt would make dinner for Rachel if she had a bad day and Rachel would pick up Kurt's favorite cheesecake when he was feeling stressed. Blaine couldn't even count the number of times he had walked into the loft only to see them cuddled together on the couch.

Blaine could remember the first time he heard Kurt tell Rachel that he loved her. Kurt was standing next to Rachel's locker talking to her after her blown NYADA audition and was soon holding an inconsolable Rachel in his arms. Blaine had been looking for him all over the school and found them like that. Just as he was walking up he heard Kurt say, "I love you, Rachel Berry." When Blaine had semi-jokingly asked Kurt about it later that night, Kurt simply giggled and replied, "Don't worry. I love you more," before kissing all of his worries away.

But that was over a year ago. Both Kurt and Rachel say those words now, but Blaine was sure that phrase meant something different. Even if Kurt and Rachel didn't realize it yet, Blaine knew. And that's exactly what he told Kurt during their last fight.

Blaine knew that Rachel was working late at the diner that night, so he planned a date night for he and Kurt in the loft. There had been some…distance between them lately, and he wanted tonight to be a night where he and Kurt could reconnect, both emotionally and physically. The last time they had been intimate was almost three weeks ago and he was going crazy.

He made dinner (lasagna, Kurt's favorite), lit candles, and queued up some soft music to be played in the background. He was just about done tossing the salad when he heard the door to the loft sliding open.

"Hey, babe!" he called to Kurt.

"Hey, what's going on here?" Kurt asked, hanging his coat on the hook by the door.

"I made you dinner. Look, its lasagna, your favorite! It's almost do-" Blaine started, but Kurt interrupted him.

"Sorry B, I already ate at the diner with Rachel."

"Of course you did," Blaine muttered quietly under his breath, but not as quiet as he thought.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Kurt asked angrily.

"Don't pretend you don't know, Kurt! We've barely spent any time together since I've moved here, and when we do, Rachel has to join us! I just wanted a night with my _fiancé_. I feel like I've lost you, Kurt." Blaine bit back a sob.

Kurt's expression was a mix of confusion and hurt, and something else Blaine couldn't identify. Guilt maybe? "You aren't los-"

"You might not see it, but I can. I can see the way you two look at each other. I can see you watching her from across the room with so much love in your eyes."

Kurt opened his mouth as if to argue but Blaine cut him off. "You used to look at me that way, you know." Blaine finally met Kurt's eyes after saying that and felt the first tear run down his face.

"So, what are you saying? What does this mean?" Kurt asked quietly, also crying.

"I think I'm going to move out. Sam has a spare bed for me at his place. I'll be back tomorrow to pick up my things."

Kurt knew things weren't going so great with their relationship, but he had no idea Blaine felt like that. He had done the one thing he swore he would never do, and that was hurt Blaine. He loved him, he really did, just not the way he used to. He thought he was happy about Blaine moving into the loft. He had pictured them getting married and making a life together in New York. But when he had actually moved in, Kurt slowly pushed him away. He found the little things Blaine did annoyed him, and he had a hard time sleeping next to him at night. He found himself wishing a certain brunette were with him instead…

"Blaine, I-"

"She loves you too, Kurt. I hope you two are happy together."

He then left Kurt in the loft, alone with his thoughts.

Kurt was replaying their whole argument over and over again in his mind. He wasn't in love with Rachel…was he? Sure, he had a great time being around her, and they had so many common interests. Plus, they took care of each other after Finn's death. That has to be it.

But the more he thought about it, the more he realized the truth. He loved how determined she was. He loved the smell of her shampoo and how her soft hair would tickle his chin when they cuddled. He loved her voice, even when it woke him up at six in the morning during her shower vocal runs. He loved the scrunchy face she made when she was focused on something. He loved her smile. And her eyes? He could get lost in her chocolate-brown orbs every day. She was beautiful. He loved how she fit perfectly in his arms.

Kurt only became aware of how much time he spent lost in his thoughts when Rachel came home from her shift at the diner. He was startled by the loft door sliding open and sat up from where he was lying on the couch. He observed her as she walked in, noticing her wind-swept hair and her rosy cheeks from the walk home. An immediate sense of calm and happiness settled over Kurt when he saw her.

"What's with all the candles? Oh, lasagna! Did you make dinner?" Rachel asked after kicking off her shoes by the door.

"Blaine made it a few hours ago," Kurt explained quietly from his spot on the couch.

"You guys didn't even eat any," Rachel said, confused about the full plates and the burning candles that were almost gone. "Where is Blaine anyway? Kurt?"

Rachel could tell something was off with Kurt. He was usually very talkative and bright, at least around her. The only light in the apartment came from the multitude of candles lit around the kitchen and living room. She flipped the switch to turn on the overhead light in the kitchen.

"He left. He's moving in with Sam, I guess."

Rachel was next to Kurt in an instant, forcefully pulling him into a hug. She tried to convey as much comfort and care through that hug as she possibly could. Rachel could now see that Kurt had been crying; his eyes were red and his cheeks were covered in dried tear tracks.

Kurt wrapped his arms around Rachel and couldn't mistake how _right_ this felt. He took in the familiar scent of her shampoo and something else that was just so… _Rachel_. As he held on to her, and Rachel held him in return, he knew. He knew Blaine had been right.

Rachel slowly pulled away from the hug so she could look him in the eye.

"Did he say why he wanted to move out?" she asked.

Kurt took a deep breath, knowing this was the time to say what he truly felt. To lay it all on the line, risking both his friendship with Rachel and a potentially broken heart.

"I'm sure you've noticed how distanced Blaine and I have been lately," to which Rachel nodded, so he continued. "He found out that I'm...well…"

Kurt grabbed Rachel's hand but still couldn't look her in the eye just yet. "I'm in love with someone else."

He could feel her body immediately tense next to him.

"WHAT?! Kurt Hummel! You never keep anything from me! I'm hurt. I thought you loved Blaine? Who is this new guy? Do I know him? Is he cute? Does-"

Kurt put his hand over her mouth to end her endless barrage of questions. He only removed his hand when he felt she had calmed down enough to listen to his explanation. He grabbed both of her hands in his again before continuing.

"Rachel," Kurt began, now finally looking into her eyes. "It's you. Blaine left me because he knew I was in love… with you."

She looked surprised, but not disgusted or angry like he had feared. Before he knew what he was doing, Kurt leaned forward and pressed his lips gently to hers.

Her lips were so soft against his and he couldn't help but compare Rachel to Blaine. It was different than kissing Blaine, a very good kind of different. The only other girl he had kissed was Brittany, but this was way better than that. Rachel seemed to be frozen in shock, so Kurt moved his lips against hers just a little more and then began to pull away. But before he could she grabbed his face and brought him back in again.

This kiss was better than the first, mostly because Rachel was now actively participating in it. All the cheesy cliché fireworks appeared and Kurt swore he felt sparks. He could feel her tongue tracing his bottom lip, begging for entrance. Who was he to deny her?

Their tongues danced together, each of them trying to gain control of the kiss. Eventually, Kurt relinquished control to Rachel, letting her do what she pleased.

After what felt like hours, Rachel broke the kiss, needing to breathe. She had a deep blush on her cheeks as she touched her fingers to her lips. Kurt was afraid he had gone too far as she wasn't looking him in the eye.

"I am so sorry, Rachel. I shouldn't have-"

"I love you too."

Kurt stopped his apologetic rambling and whipped his head around to look at her. "Wait, what?"

Rachel giggled. "I" _kiss_. "Love" _kiss_ "You" _kiss._ When the words (and kisses) finally registered in his brain, a smile bigger than any graced his features. This was the happiest she had seen him in a long time.

"But, what does this mean, Kurt?" At his confused, and somewhat disappointed, look, she continued. "I mean, what are we doing here? You just broke up with Blaine a few hours ago and now you're kissing me?"

Kurt thought about his response, wanting to choose his words carefully.

"Honestly, I don't really know what I'm doing. Breaking up with Blaine happened so fast and then kissing you was… wow. I spent most of my life believing I was gay and fighting so hard for that. But then you happened. Maybe I'm bi, or maybe you're my exception, I don't know. All I do know is that I love you, Rachel. All I want, more than anything I've ever wanted, is to be with you and continue to love you as long as you'll let me."

Rachel's eyes had filled with tears during Kurt's speech. She pulled him in for another short, yet passionate kiss.

"Always."


	2. First Night Together

Moving from best friends and roommates to being a couple that live together had been interesting to say the least.

Having already lived together for over a year, Kurt and Rachel knew each other's habits and routines. Rachel knew that Kurt rarely skipped his nightly moisturizing routine and Kurt knew that Rachel needed to go for a run at least once a week. They already knew their favorite foods, favorite movies and the best way to cheer each other up.

Introducing a physical side of their relationship wasn't too difficult. Kurt and Rachel had been the kind of friends who held hands and cuddled on the couch at the end of the day. But now, their touches meant something more. Her hand would linger a little longer on his cheek and his arm around her waist would unconsciously tighten if another guy walked by.

Kurt loved being Rachel's boyfriend. He loved caring for her. He loved being around her. He really loved kissing her, and he really, really loved certain _other_ activities. But it wasn't always so easy for him, especially on their first night as a couple.

After talking things out and defining their new relationship, both Kurt and Rachel were exhausted and ready for bed. They went through their usually nightly routine of showers, teeth brushing and moisturizing (with a few added kisses in between) before heading to their beds.

Before Rachel could pull back the privacy curtain surrounding her "room", Kurt grabbed her hand.

"Uh, you can… um… sleep in my bed tonight," Kurt stammered quietly. "You know, if you want to?" He, of course, wanted nothing more than to have Rachel in his bed again. It had been so long since he had held her close while she fell asleep and he craved her body next to his.

Rachel smiled at him sweetly and kissed his lips softly. "Of course I want to."

Kurt smirked at her and led her into his part of the loft. Almost nothing had changed since the last time she had slept there. Pictures of their glee friends adorned the walls, just the way she remembered it.

She pulled back the covers on the bed and crawled in, nearly moaning at the feeling of his silk sheets and fluffy pillows. She inhaled the scent of Kurt that she had missed so much and a wave of comfort passed over her instantly. Kurt, who had witnessed that whole thing, just rolled his eyes and turned off the light before getting into bed himself.

Kurt became nervous as soon as he lay down. What should he do now? Should he just leave her be? He wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in his arms and hold her tight. He and Rachel had shared a bed many times before, but never as a couple. He wasn't sure if there was a certain protocol to this.

"Kurt?"

Rachel's voice broke him out of his inner panic attack.

"Yeah?" He turned toward the sound of her voice being as his eyes hadn't totally adjusted to the darkness yet.

"I can hear you thinking from over here."

Kurt's mouth opened to reply, but Rachel's hand on his arm stopped him.

"Is this too much, too soon? I can go sleep in my own bed if you want?"

"No!" Kurt exclaimed, before realizing he had practically yelled at her. He grabbed her hand and spoke softly instead.

"I do want you here, I really do. I wouldn't have invited you if I didn't want it. I just… don't know what I'm supposed to be doing right now. Do I cuddle you? Should I-"

Kurt's nervous rambling was cut off by the sound of Rachel's laughter. Even in the darkness Rachel could see Kurt pouting so she quickly quieted down. She placed a hand on his cheek, smiling at the way he nuzzled into her palm.

"Kurt. How many times have we slept in this bed together?"

Rachel could feel the heat of a blush on his cheek. "I know, I know. But this time it's-"

"No, it's not different, Kurt. Our souls knew that we loved each other before our minds caught up. We've been in this exact same spot before and it wasn't weird then. The only difference is that I can kiss you now if I want to. With that being said, if you don't get over here and spoon me, you'll be in big trouble mister."

Kurt let out a loud chuckle and pulled Rachel into his arms, finally feeling right again. He missed holding this beautiful woman and he never wanted to let her go.

"I love you so much."

Rachel grabbed the arm that was placed around her stomach and brought Kurt's hand up over her heart in response. She felt him lay light kisses over the back of her neck and shoulders.

As she fell asleep that night, her only thought was how at home she felt in his arms. She was safe, loved and most of all, _happy_.


	3. Author's Note (Please Read)

Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted anything in a whole but I've been writing constantly.

My stories end up being kind of like one-shot type things because they time jump and go all over the place. So I think I'm going to mark this one as complete but post a separate story filled with these one-shots. It will all be in the same verse and go throughout Kurt and Rachel's life together.

It's going to be called "We Belong". Hope you guys can check it out!

Gunit1016


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